The Australian Open and our selective perception  

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The Australian Open was perhaps the best physical, mental and tactical tennis game we had seen. Watching it with friends made it even more enthralling. The adults in the room kept inserting comments such as “Wow, neither wants to give up!”, “Amazing play under so much stress”, “A game like this requires so much mental strength”…… all with the dual intention of actually enjoying the game and giving a little lesson to the kids on the sidelines.

The record 5 hour 53 minute game got over only for us to watch a jubilant Novak Djokovic celebrate “Salman Khan” style and pander graciously to the shutterbugs. We all remained glued to the television soaking in every moment of the match and the ensuing celebration. Our friend, however, was hoping to remind the kids the valuable lessons of grit and sportsmanship that we had witnessed and so addressed the kids, “So guys, what did we learn from this game?”

Roshan’s immediate response: “We learnt that after you win the game you should take off your shirt and keep kissing the trophy!!!!”

Our New Year Resolutions  

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A 2007 study involving 3,000 people showed that 88% of those who set New Year resolutions fail. Men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, (a system where small measurable goals are being set; such as, a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends. Since peer-support makes a difference in success rate with New Year’s resolutions, I decided to share our resolution with you.

A few days ago I asked Ritesh what his New Year resolution was. After a long silence (and a look that meant “Do I really have to answer this?”), he responded “Spending quality time with you and the kids.”Needless to say, I was utterly pleased to hear that notwithstanding the fact that he spoke one sentence in a 15 minute drive when it was just the two of us in the car and when he was asked a question and he didn’t really have a choice but to answer it. Irrespective of that, I totally endorsed his plan since he planned to make a new beginning in the New Year.

My instant response was “So what’s your action plan to achieve your goal?” His response was a quizzical look! Only after we reached our destination did he respond, “I will be more involved.” OOOOOH! The pearls of wisdom had finally been uttered! Of course, I am not the kinds to let go of such moments that deserve celebration apart from the fact that I am a very supportive wife. So I promised him that I would help him achieve his goal. That evening, when the kids needed help with their homework, despite protest from the boys I directed them to their dad who was busy on his iPad at the moment. And then when the boys wanted help in analyzing their chess game, I, dutifully guided them back to their dad who was lying horizontal on the sofa watching a game of football. This time the kids were the one who gave me the “What?! Dad?! Really?!?! look. By this time, Ritesh, a man of few words, looked completely helpless but I remained steadfast in my support to his cause and gently suggested that one way to demonstrate involvement in the family would be for him to load the dishwasher. For good measure I even pointed out towards the dishwasher lest he gives me the excuse “I don’t know where the dishwasher is!”
Soon it was time for story-telling and to put the kids to bed but before I could utter a word Ritesh had that “Come on! You don’t have to take my resolution that seriously” look, so I took Taran and Roshan to bed and told them a story. Fortunately, for all of Ritesh’s reticence and reserve, I can talk for the both of us!

And this brings us back to the first point stated in this post - “88% of those who set New Year resolutions fail” and women succeeded 10% more when they made their goal public. So this one’s to you Ritesh - I intend to celebrate your New Year Resolution with a glass of wine, a whole lot of loquaciousness, and by making your goal public. May you spend QUALITY time with us!
P.S: In line with the norms of full disclosure this post has been published with Ritesh's complete approval and he was not subjected to any duress.

Holiday greetings from our home to yours - 2012  

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Hello again,

Welcome to this year’s edition of the Idnani household newsletter. We wish to share with you how the family fared in 2011 and welcome 2012!

Taran and Roshan turned 7 this May. They are happy 2nd graders. Recently Roshan directed and acted in a “Ramayana” skit in his class. But he is still not convinced about the reasoning for the battle between Ram & Ravana. He insists the non-violent way to resolve the conflict would have been for Ram to get Ravana’s wife since the latter had taken the former’s wife! The boys also continue to progress in chess with Taran winning the North American championship in the U8 group. The win resulted in FIDE (World Chess Federation) awarding him the title of “FIDE Candidate Master”. They are also enjoying tennis lessons though they seem to focus more on imitating Djokovic’s court histrionics than on tennis skills. Nidhi couldn’t help analyzing that Roshan has been spending 38% of his rather expensive tennis lessons on bouncing the ball!!!!! Can anyone please ask Novak to stop bouncing the ball 22 times before serving?


Ritesh went back to school to participate in an Executive Education program at Wharton. He kept describing how intensive the course was. Interestingly he made these calls from the Wharton bar where he was apparently discussing the case study for the next day! He was also selected by SSON, the largest and most established community of shared services and outsourcing professionals as part of their G6 list - the top 6 outsourcing visionaries in Europe and North America for 2011. The kids instantly imbibed best practices and attempted to outsource their homework to their mom!

This year Nidhi took up the position of “Treasurer” on the PTO of The Albrook School organizing events and managing the finances for the school. Reminds her of her banking days and keeps her away from retail therapy, thereby saving Ritesh’s tiny treasury. Nidhi also tried her hand (and legs) at kickboxing. As a result, Bob, the kickboxing dummy’s obituary was published in The New York Times. Ever since, Ritesh and the kids are very supportive of her Friday lessons.


Ritesh and Nidhi have started running!!! No, not away from each other but - towards a common goal! They ran together at the Rutgers Big Chill 5 K – a fundraiser for children. They hope to participate in many more runs next year. They will be happy to have more running partners so give them a shout if you are interested.

Sports continues to be a big part in the Idnani household with Football nights becoming sacrosanct. But cricket still takes the number 1 slot with the family holding a World cup finals party and the boys having a “Kids vs. Adults cricket party” on their birthday. Needless to say, the kids wiped the adults out. Shhh! We didn’t mention anything about match fixing!


This was also the year of a few more new experiences - the kids watched their first musical at Broadway (Mary Poppins was enthralling) and their first Jazz festival in Montreal. Ritesh and Nidhi also watched a few comedy shows in New York City with a wonderful group of friends. They also went for their first camping trip to Vermont with family where apart from hiking in Quechee valley and sightseeing, they gorged on s’mores and handmade ice-cream, the results of which were prominently displayed on the weighing scale.

The Idnanis spent time with friends and family in Toronto, upstate New York, Dallas and Virginia, paid their annual visit to Washington D.C, explored Montreal (Old Montreal was stunning as was the Bio-dome), relaxed for a week at the Wildwood beach in the summer, enjoyed a few nights (and museums) in New York City and travelled within the state and outside for chess tournaments.

2011 has been spectacular and we hope that 2012 is even better. We wish you and your loved ones lots of happiness, good health and good luck in the New Year.

Stay in touch!
The Idnanis

Hail Tiger Mom  

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The whole nation or at least moms have been talking about the controversial “Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother” by Ms. Amy Chua, a second generation Chinese American (interestingly, it was only Ms.Chua's grandparents who lived in China; her parents were raised in the Philippines). I had read the article based on the book in WSJ and Time magazine, seen the CNN HLN program where she was interviewed by Joy Behar and had followed the almost vitriolic debate that followed it. But I ordered the book only when a very good friend of mine (who coincidentally and ironically happens to be Chinese) asked me to read it. This friend encourages her kids to enjoy all the activities that Ms. Chua prohibits. And I have no doubt in my mind that these kids will be accepted in Harvard, Yale, Princeton or any other Ivy League school. The contrasting views motivated me to read Ms. Chua’s book. One thing was already clear: I could not generalize “Chinese moms”.

The book was a quick and easy read. With all that I had heard about the book, I was expecting to read a very strict “How to parent” guide. But I was pleasantly surprised to read a self-deprecating (in parts), witty and honest memoir. Just as Ms. Chua has stated in many interviews, I am a bit surprised to notice the polarizing views this book has generated. But, on the other hand, I am not stunned either. Ms. Chua may seem extreme to many, yet there is a sizeable population that identifies with several of her parenting tenets such as “To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences” or “Not allowing kids to play computer games or watch TV”. The difference, however, is the degree or the extreme to which Ms. Chua may have adopted these tenets. For example, I know several parents who insist on taking their kids to Kumon, Karate or, in my case, Chess. There may be times when the kids would rather watch TV or play, instead of doing math, yet parents insist (and probably rightfully so) that the kids have to go for lessons or practice their “extra-curricular activity”. It is just that most parents may not insist that the kids practice for 3 hours every day. Likewise, I, for one, do not encourage my children to play video games or watch TV for an extended duration but they are allowed to watch sports on weekends, play the DSI on long drives and flights and occasionally at home. What may have caused the umbrage is her extreme style. But what seems to have been missed out completely by most people is her self-deprecating style of humor in this book as when she insisted that her children will not be allowed to become lazy especially “not on my watch” or when she decided to apply Chinese parenting to her dog.
A contributing factor to the wrath against her is her generalization about Western parents who she refers to as weak-willed. In the beginning of the book she did state that she was using the term “Western parents” loosely. But that statement gets quickly nullified by the several comments she makes against their parenting style. The reality is that parenting is very personal and therefore these broad over-generalizations that Western parents encourage mediocrity and tend to give up easily can be a source of indignation to most Western parents.

But Ms. Chua also stated that over a period of time she started questioning her own parenting style. And yet, she received death threats! I am not sure how many of her critics have actually read her book and if they have, I would like to state that ultimately Ms. Chua did point out “All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.” So, please, cut Ms. Chua some slack. Or, go buy her book – at least for all the threats she has received, her book sales have sky-rocketed. Ms. Chua (Chuha means “rat” in Hindi – no offence intended), irrespective of your parenting style, for all your honesty, humor & candor, my vote goes to you. May this rat keep roaring & growling!

Holiday greetings from our home to yours - 2011  

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Hello,

It is that time of year again to share with you our adventures in the year gone by. 2010 has been another year of magic and wonder…

Taran and Roshan turned 6 this May. How time flies! They have continued to do well at chess winning the State Championship and several other tournaments. The boys joined a new school for first grade. They are happy learners and have made many new friends. They did their first stage performance in school and are now busy interviewing agents to represent them in Hollywood.

Ritesh started the year with additional responsibilities at work. But magically somehow found time for events such as the Australian Grand Prix, golf at St. Andrews, “Making your own scotch” event at Scotland and enjoying the verdant rainforests and white sand beaches of Rio. We are a little confused about his profession – it seems he is employed by Lonely Planet rather than Infosys. We will update you when we have more clarity on the same.

Nidhi had set a goal for herself this year to learn swimming. She is so proud of finally learning the skill (at about the same time when the boys learnt it). Finally, neither of them needs a life jacket to swim in the deep. Ritesh, on the other hand, continues to swim (or in his case, fly) in the oceans of outsourcing. One blog compared him to George Clooney’s character in “Up in the Air”. Ever since, Nidhi has been very receptive of his travels. George Clooney, even vicariously, is always welcome! Ritesh, on the other hand, is more interested in the Vera Farmiga part of the equation! Good luck to him!

Sports were a big part of the Idnani family this year. The whole family bonded over the Football World Cup (soccer) this summer when Taran and Roshan were ardently following Brazil, wearing Brazilian T-shirts and growing their hair “just like Kaka”. However, the moment Brazil lost; they changed their allegiance to Spain and quickly got a haircut. So much for loyalties! They are now fast becoming NFL fans following on their dad’s footsteps. Nidhi hopes that their enthusiasm for the game doesn’t lead them to following Tom Brady’s current hairstyle.

The Idnanis were able to squeeze in a bit of travel this year. They started in the Prairies in South Dakota, were completely taken by the beauty of the Black hills and Mount Rushmore, were enchanted by the Badlands, visited Minneapolis, Canada, Washington DC, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Jersey shore, Miami and Disney World. The Idnanis spent the bulk of the summer in India visiting family and friends. Ritesh and Nidhi knew that the vacation in India was truly successful when by the end of the trip Taran and Roshan were singing Hindi songs and were imagining themselves to be Tendulkar and Sehwag while playing cricket. This was complete indoctrination!

We can’t help but feel a sense of excitement for the wonderful year we just had and the year that is ahead of us now. As we welcome 2011, we hope it will bring good luck, good health, prosperity and happiness to you and your loved ones.

Best,
The Idnani Family

Sarah Palin's geography lessons  

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Ok, I know it has been reallllllly long and there is no excuse for not writing. Not that there has been a dearth of reasons ....there were plenty...an awesome trip to Minnesota and South Dakota to visit friends, a trip to Washington D.C with friends from India, Taran and Roshan's "graduation" from Kindergarten, a long summer vacation in India, the mid-term polls (I really enjoyed that one ....what with a self-proclaimed "witch" and a "Manhattan madam" who said politicians are the worst prostitutes in the state and added, "I may be the only person sitting on this stage with the right experience to deal with them." WHOA!!!! But I am finally back and just could not miss out on my one of my favorite politician's proclamation yesterday. Of course, I refer to Sarah Palin. She said she was "looking at the lay of the land" to figure out if she should run for the White House in 2012.

First, I thought she was referring to the "The lay of the land" by Richard Ford but then I remembered from her interview with Katie Couric 2 years ago where it was clear that she preferred to stay away from the written word. But then the possibility appeared that she was talking about geography.

Now I am really happy for her that she finally figured out the geography. She now knows that she can NOT view Russia from her house - that even though in the world map, it looks close, on factoring some math (scale), it is pretty far from her house. So good for you, Ms. Palin. I am happy for you and will surely follow your candidacy in the near future. Good luck!

Haiti and other disasters and their impact on kids  

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While watching CNN and BBC, the news commentator warned, “The images from Haiti that we are about to show are very graphic so please have you children step out of the room.” Indeed the pictures were graphic and disturbing. Yes, they exhibited reality. Images of piles of bodies caked with dust and blood being dumped in mass graves served the horrific jolts that the news media promised. But on the flip side I am not sure if the frequency with which they were shown was required. To me it also violated the respect we owe to anybody’s remains, irrespective of their country or religion. I am also very concerned about the impact of such pictures and news on children.


For the last several years I have noticed a surge of graphic images whether it was a natural disaster (Tsunami 2004, earthquake in China 2008) or an act of terror (Mumbai attacks 2008 or the several bombings in Pakistan). Every newspaper/ magazine has carried extensive articles and distressing pictures about these. And then there is YouTube and other websites that have heart wrenching videos and photographs that provide a bigger impact wherever and whenever you want it.


Things were different 25 years ago. I remember my childhood. My dad encouraged me and my brother to read the newspaper every day. For the most part newspapers had coverage of the government and its policies, the happenings in our nation and around the world. Pages were dedicated to business, sports, entertainment and of course the weather, but then that was largely a terror free world. Sure, natural disasters struck once in a while but the pictures were muted. Perhaps a picture of the site of an earthquake, walls broken, roof crashed on the floor, but not of human remains. Clearly, we grew up in a different world.

Don’t get me wrong. I read/watch the news everyday and totally understand and appreciate the value of the Internet. But I am perplexed when I have to explain these tragedies to my 5 year old twin boys. I do not encourage them to watch graphic images of such carnage but on the other hand I have always encouraged them to read the newspaper. In fact it is my son, Taran, who runs to the driveway every morning to get the newspaper and reads the headlines and the weather forecast to us. Over the years/ months, he and my son, Roshan, have asked me numerous questions about such events:

· Why did the earthquake strike Haiti/China?
· How many people died?
· What will happen to the houses that are broken?
· What will happen to children whose parents have died?
· Why did the bad guys kill so many people in Mumbai hotels?
· Why did they burn the hotels in Mumabi?
· Why do we have to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq?
· Why did the bad guys crash into the world trade center?
· Will God punish the bad guys?
· But how will God punish them….they are already dead?

Clearly, their questions indicate to me that they not only see the violence and carnage, they feel it as well. How do we explain such events to children without affecting their sensibilities? How do we make sure that the fear of unforeseeable circumstances, whether a natural or man made disaster, does not occupy a place in their heart and erode their confidence? Sure, we strive to give our kids the love, affection, sense of security and strength that most families give their children, but is that enough?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. Do you?

To donate to Haiti follow the link:

http://www.redcross.org/

Images above are courtesy Huffington Post and BBC

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